She Said No

I spent 2 months praying, fasting, asking pastors for tons of advice, planning it, asking friends for prayer and advice, and it took a ton of energy just to muster up the courage to ask her to coffee. I spent so much time practicing and planning, I spent so much time choosing the best words and what the Spirit would have me say to her. 2 long months planning the pursuit with all Joy in the Father, going through so many emotions and sharing in them with the Spirit! I missed a few opportunities that day to ask her. My friends were praying and encouraging me the whole way, trying to help me get an opportunity. When I said her name, calling to her, nervous was an understatement!!! My heart was beating so fast, good thing I didn’t sweat for some reason (not due to the extra antiperspirant). So many sermons on Biblical manhood took me to that point. Seeking God’s glory the whole way, seeking His will, not what I desired, and not my will. It’s like building the most intricate model, painting the most detailed painting. My mind and words became mush, and nothing that I pictured I would say came out right… but she got it in that mess of jumble from me. She asked for time to pray about it, and we’d finish our conversation later.

The story is different for me now that I have to seek for a godly woman who can become a great pastor’s wife. Finding a good Christian wife is quite a bit easier, but there are so few who can be a good pastor’s wife. The qualities I seek and pray for in both me and her are of a stricter judgment, a very high standard.

Faith ever grows the more. It’s my creator’s perfect will that she said no, and it is what glorifies Him the most, and I know I delight in HIS glory soo much more and enjoy Him way more than if I got what I desired. You know that feeling you get in your heart when someone says no? It’s weird to have it contain that physical burden, yet my emotions are all Joy and Delighting in God! I’m so in love with God! It was all worth it. No regrets in asking her.

Lord, I DELIGHT in YOU so ridiculously much. I think about you day and night! I can’t go on more than a few minutes without thinking Gospel. I’m gonna keep on living out the Gospel intentionally! SO IN LOVE WITH YOU!

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